The Note
by Classical Sorrow
Summary: Kuwabara leaves a note for the other's to find, complete Be fair to yourself and to your friends.
1. Kuwabara

Classical: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

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Would you be happier if I wasn't here?

Would you care if I got 'hit' by a car?

Would you gasp if I cut myself?

Would you stop me if I were to stand on a bridge and get too close to the edge?

Would you laugh if I said I would kill myself?

Would you hate me if I didn't try?

Would you cry at my funeral?

I guess it's time to find out.

Good-bye.

I'm sorry that I couldn't take it anymore

I'm sorry that it was your cruel words that stabbed me.

That your laugher threw me off the edge.

That your sarcasm crushed my bones

That being known as an idiot to my friends wasn't as funny as you thought.

Take care of my cat for me...

Are you happy now?

####

Classical: Kurawbara's last note to his friends.


	2. Yusuke

Classical: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

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Would you be happier if I wasn't here?

No, you're my friend

Would you care if I got 'hit' by a car?

I would run in front so you wouldn't get hurt

Would you gasp if I cut myself?

I would yell at you for being stupid

Would you stop me if I were to stand on a bridge and get too close to the edge?

Damn it yes! And if you fell I would jump in after you.

Would you laugh if I said I would kill myself?

No, I would cry for you thinking thoughts like that!

Would you hate me if I didn't try?

I would hate you if you did!

Would you cry at my funeral?

Kuwabara...

I guess it's time to find out.

No...

Good-bye.

No, you don't... no...

I'm sorry that I couldn't take it anymore

But you're strong! Kuwabara you're strong you never did such a cowardly thing before!!!!

I'm sorry that it was your cruel words that stabbed me.

I didn't know...

That your laugher threw me off the edge.

I Didn't Know!

That your sarcasm crushed my bones

I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!

That being known as an idiot to my friends wasn't as funny as you thought.

We didn't think that you were an idiot... we didn't it was a joke... it was just a joke!

Take care of my cat for me...

It's not true...

Are you happy now?

Kuwabara...

####

Classical: Yusuke's thoughts while reading the note most likely TBC


	3. Hiei

Classical: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

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Would you be happier if I wasn't here?

Yes, then I wouldn't have so many headaches 

Would you care if I got 'hit' by a car?

You would be dumb enough to get hit by a car? You really are a baka.

Would you gasp if I cut myself?

You cut yourself with paper, it's nothing new

Would you stop me if I were to stand on a bridge and get too close to the edge?

I might even push you.

Would you laugh if I said I would kill myself?

Yes, why would you kill yourself?

Would you hate me if I didn't try?

What is this about?

Would you cry at my funeral?

Funeral? You Baka... you don't mean...

I guess it's time to find out.

Impossible!

Good-bye.

You're not that weak!

I'm sorry that I couldn't take it anymore

Take what anymore!?!?!

I'm sorry that it was your cruel words that stabbed me.

Words don't hurt

That your laugher threw me off the edge.

Laughter means nothing

That your sarcasm crushed my bones

You're not that weak...

That being known as an idiot to my friends wasn't as funny as you thought.

You're an idiot but you're not this stupid are you?

Take care of my cat for me...

... this isn't funny...

Are you happy now?

Baka...

####

Classical: Hiei's thoughts while reading the note 

TBC


	4. Kurama

Classical: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

* * *

**"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."**

**-William Goldman**

* * *

Kurama didn't have to read the note. He had found the body.

"Kuwabara..." He gasped. The others ran into the room. Yusuke instantly turned away with a horrible cry. Hiei stood staring emotionlessly.

"Fox... is he..." Hiei said slowly trying not to show any worry or sadness. Kurama bowed his head.

"He slashed his wrists."

"Oh God!" Yusuke cried finally running up to Kuwabara's dead body shaking him, "Come on buddy, you're been through worse, make it through... make it through damn it!" Yusuke cried. Kurama put his hand on Yusuke's shoulder and shook his head.

"He's cold Yusuke." he said softly.

"NO!" Yusuke yelled, "Why! He's had worse injuries than a paper cut! Kurama this is impossible. He can't be dead! I won't let him be dead!" Yusuke shouted shaking his friend. Kurama pulled Yusuke back.

"Yusuke... he didn't want to live..." Kurama said.

"But why..." Yusuke asked like a little child collapsing by the bed. Blood stained the white sheets. Blood and tears. Kurama shook his head.

"I don't know Yusuke..." he said softly. A piece of paper was clutched in Hiei's hand.

"That Baka..." Hiei said coldly.

"SHUT UP HIEI!!!!! THAT'S THE REASON WHY HE... HE..." Yusuke punched the floor beside him making a huge dent, "AND YOU! HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM KURAMA!?!?!?" Yusuke yelled. Kurama looked down and shook his head.

"Yusuke, please go in the other room." Kurama said.

"NO! I'M NOT LEAVING HIM! I REFUSE TO THINK HE'S DEAD!!! HE CAN NEVER DIE!!!" Yusuke jumped up and started shaking Kuwabara again.

"WHAT ABOUT BEATING ME? DAMN IT KUWABARA I CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD WHY DON'T YOU?!?!?!" Yusuke cried. Kurama pulled him away again.

"Go Yusuke, you're only hurting yourself." Kurama said pushing him out of the room. Hiei followed. The three stood in silence standing by the door. Hiei still clutched the piece of paper tightly.

"Baka..." He muttered again.

"DAMN YOU!" Yusuke shouted taking a swing at Hiei. Kurama caught him before he did anything. When Yusuke looked up again Hiei was gone.

"Coward... damn coward..." Yusuke muttered looking at the door where Kuwabara lay."

"Sit down Yusuke..." Kurama said leading his friend to an overstuffed chair. Kurama picked up the phone.

"Who are you calling?" Yusuke asked.

"His sister." Kurama answered softly. Tears welled up in Yusuke's eyes.

"But it's not true this is a dream..." He muttered.

"Yusuke, Kuwabara is gone." Kurama finally said.

"It's my fault... if I hadn't been brought back from the dead we would still be enemies and he would still be alive! He should be mourning my death not the other way around! He never would have met any of us and he would be alive!!" Yusuke shouted standing up and knocking over the lamp beside him. It landed with a crash. He started pounding the wall. Kurama put down the phone and walked in front of Yusuke.

"Sleep." He said softly blowing dust in Yusuke's face. The dust mixed with his tear-streaked eyes and the Detective slowly fell. Kurama caught him and put him on the couch. Kurama picked up the phone again.

Ring

How could I not have seen it?

Ring

I should have seen his depression

Ring

I should have seen this coming

Ring

But I didn't... and now I can't fix this mistake

"Hello."

Silence.

"Hello? Come on I hate prank calls."

"This is Kurama." Kurama said.

"Oh, hi Kurama, what now? Did my little brother do something stupid again." You could say that... why did he do this?

Silence.

"He's dead."

"... why are you saying this. I already know that!!!!" She yelled.

"I'm..."

"I didn't want to believe it... I felt his energy slowly leave him! WHAT HAPPENED HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!?!?!?" She screamed. Kurama was silent for a moment.

"... Suicide." he answered.

"... why? HOW COULD THAT IDIOT DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!?!?" She yelled crying loudly over the phone, "Being killed by a demon, getting hit by a car... Suicide?" She cried.

"I'm sorry." He answered.

"It's not true..." She muttered.

"You should come home." Kurama said.

"Okay..." She answered softly.

Click.

Kuwabara... how could do this to yourself... to your sister?

Kurama's eyes narrowed.

"There is one person that would know of this prior to the event." Kurama said, "But why did she not tell us?"

* * *

_"Would you be happier if I wasn't here?"_

"Damn you."

* * *

Classical: Finding the body and Kurama's take on the death of Kuwabara

TBC


	5. Emotional Pain

Classical: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

* * *

******The dead cannot cry out for justice; it is a duty of the living to do so for them. **

**- Lois McMaster Bujold**

* * *

It's hard to except that he's gone... he's my... was my... best friend. I keep asking myself 'what if?' what if I never met him, what if he never became a spirit detective, what if we never became friends, what if, what if, what if.

Everyone's been crying... hell, I've been crying. I was a wreak. It was good that Kurama was here. Shizuru was completely drunk most of the day trying to dull the pain. I wanted to join her but I promised to honour Kuwabara I wouldn't. Kurama had taken care of everything. The funeral was tomorrow. I still couldn't believe it. If only I... I sighed. I picked a leaf off of the house plant beside me and tore it up to vent my frustrations. I was going to be the one to tell Yukina... but at the last moment I chickened out. I just couldn't tell her... why didn't Hiei tell her? The little bastard was her brother after all. Kurama told her. Kurama did everything, I tried to help but just got in the way. He was there for me and everyone. I've been so useless that I haven't even answered calls from Koenma. I guess I've withdrawn. When I saw the look on Yukina's face. It was horrible. I wanted to go to hell and pull Kuwabara back and show him what he did and yell and him and pound his face in.

Keiko's been so worried about me. She gives me a hug and bursts into tears every time she sees me. Kuwabara's gang kept asking why? Why? Why? Why? Why had there boss done this? He wasn't weak! What could have possessed him to do that? He was so strong, no one could get at him. Well they were wrong! But they were right on some levels. It wasn't an enemy that got to him, it was his friends! That's what made him hurt so much. Shizuru asked if there was any explanation or a note. There was but I couldn't find it. I told her it said goodbye, what else could I say? That it was partly my fault he's dead? I wanted to. I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was an expected occurrence now-a-days. I turned and saw it was Kurama. By the look of how he was blurry I was crying again.

"Yusuke, you need to forgive yourself so that Kuwabara can rest." Kurama said. I glared at him.

"Why should he rest after what he's done to everyone!?" I yelled. Kurama sighed sadly and left me to my thoughts. I noticed the house plant that I was taking my anger on by tearing up it's leaves had suddenly died. I guess Kurama was affected more than I thought. The plants felt his sadness even if no human could. That comforted me a litte. I went over to Shizuru who was drinking crying a smoking all at once and sat down beside her.

* * *

I never knew that words could hurt humans so much. That it could actually drive them to this point. I lay back on a tree still clutching the stupid note in my hands. The day of the funeral was tomorrow... I hadn't seen the Detective and the Fox for two days. I had been watching though. There was lots of crying. It made me feel sick.

"There you are Hiei." The Fox. I ignored him. He climbed up into the tree and sat beside me. We just sat there in silence for a few moments. Then I finally asked the question that seemed to keep resurfacing that was gnawing at me.

"Kurama was it my fault?" I asked. Kurama didn't seem surprised at the question.

"No Hiei, you don't understand human emotions. You didn't know your words hurt him so much." Kurama sighed with a sad look on his face. He's the only one so far that hasn't cried other than me.

"You weren't the only one that belittled him either." He said softly, "Yusuke and I were just as horrible to him at times." I sharply nodded. I paused.

"I feel bad..." I muttered, "I'm... going to miss him." I would never admit that to anyone else, not even Kuwabara himself. Kurama gave a small smile.

"Yes I know, as much as I know you hate to admit it, you have emotions too." He was right, I did. I felt guilty for Kuwabara's death... I never thought he would kill himself. If I had known that...

"Hiei, come and say goodbye." Kurama said. I looked over at him.

"He's already dead, what's the point?" I muttered.

"It will make you feel better." He answered.

"It won't." I answered. I pulled out the note and handed it to him.

"I can't feel better for some reason. Before I met you people this would be like an insect dying... but now it's more... Kurama..." I muttered.

_I'm sorry that it was your cruel words that stabbed me._

_That your laugher threw me off the edge._

_That your sarcasm crushed my bones_

_That being known as an idiot to my friends wasn't as funny as you thought. _

He read the note.

"Why didn't the Baka think things through!?!" I suddenly shouted, "Why didn't he ever think things through!?!?!?" .

"It will be alright." Kurama said gently.

"Thank you Fox..." I muttered. I grabbed his sleeve before he jumped from the tree.

"Are you alright?" I asked him. He smiled.

"No," He answered. He jumped down and walked off.

I'll come to the funeral... to say good-bye and that I'm sorry. After that... I don't know... I might just leave, I've caused too much pain and these feelings... they make me feel vulnerable and weak... this is what emotional pain is and I hate it.

* * *

Classical: Before saying goodbye 

TBC


	6. I'm Sorry

**Classical: **I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho

* * *

"**Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh"**

**-George Bernard Shaw**

****

* * *

Is anyone ever okay when someone they knew dies? No, I wouldn't think so. What's worse though is thinking why. Why did they die? It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense in this case either. Kuwabara could have died so many times in the past, but he never gave up. He wouldn't lose. He lost to himself though, and to us. It could have been prevented though. I'm here to find out why it wasn't.

Kurama walked through the halls into the two people he knew that could help him.

"Koenma, Botan." He said walking into the office with no announcement.

"Kurama!" Botan said.

"Kurama..." Koenma muttered. Kurama narrowed his eyes and nodded coming closer to the two.

"You know why I'm here." He said softly. Koenma nodded.

"I thought you might be the one to come. Yusuke hasn't answered any of my calls and—" Kurama slammed his hands on top of Koenma's desk making all the paperwork fall to the ground. For once Koenma didn't complain. He got a sad look.

"How, why, and why didn't you tell us?" Kurama asked sharply. Koenma sighed.

"We couldn't Kurama." he said softly, "We didn't know either."

"What?!? That's impossible, surely you had a clue!" Kurama said. Botan sniffed.

"It's true Kurama... it was a shock to us too... it was..." she burst into tears.

"Look at me..." She sniffed trying to calm down, "I'm the grim reaper, I deal with dead souls everyday... but to think that I'll never see him again..." she cried, "he was such a nice person..."

"Koenma." Kurama said, "Is he... resting now?" Koenma nodded.

"He's in the afterlife now... nothing's bringing him back..." Koenma said softly.

"Botan... did you?" Kurama asked. Botan shook her head.

"No... it was one of the others... I didn't know until someone told me..."

"It's very rare when we don't know the cause of death at least one day prior... something must have snapped..." Koenma said.

"The Funeral's today..." Kurama said turning to leave.

"We'll be there." Koenma said. Kurama said nothing walking out of the office.

It was raining... so cliché but it fit so well. It even rained for him. Yusuke was holding back tears as he stood in front of a picture of Kuwabara. It was like his own funeral except this time it was him that wanted to yell. Kurama walked in and bowed in front of Shizuru. Shizuru was clutching a bottle crying.

'Just like my mom did...' Yusuke thought to himself, 'I'm such an idiot, how did I let this happen?' Kurama came up beside Yusuke.

"I talked to Botan and Koenma." Kurama said gently.

"What do I care..." Yusuke mumbled staring at the picture.

"They didn't know he would—"

"Just shut up Kurama!" Yusuke said angrily. Kurama nodded. Everyone was crying. No one could believe it. Yukina, Genki, all his friends, Koenma and Botan were even there. Everyone was... except. Yusuke spun around.

"Hiei, what the Hell are you doing here?" Yusuke asked hatefully. Hiei said nothing but went over and bowed to Shizuru. He went up to where Yusuke and Kurama stood.

"I've come to pay my respects." Hiei said.

"Sure, now you respect him?" Yusuke asked.

"Yusuke." Kurama said.

"Leave me alone Kurama." Yusuke said shoving Kurama away. Kurama hit the table clutching his ribs.

"Yusuke." He said.

"You never liked Kuwbara, how could you even call yourself a friend? You insulted him all the time, you were horrible to him." Hiei closed his eyes for a second as if to block Yusuke's voice.

"I didn't know Detective." Hiei said. It shocked Yusuke.

"What... what do you mean you didn't know?!?!?" Yusuke yelled.

"I didn't know Humans would hurt themselves over words." Hiei said, "I want to say good-bye to him... he was courageous and honourable, he deserves it. After that I'm leaving." Hiei announced.

"What?" Yusuke asked.

"This has changed me." Hiei said, "Being with you all and Kuwabara's death."

"You've never called him that before." Yusuke whispered.

"I was wrong to call him anything else... it's only until now that I realize it." Hiei said. He looked over at the picture of Kuwabara.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. Then he was gone before anyone could blink.

"Ku—Kurama?" Yusuke asked.

"He might come back." Kurama said reading Yusuke's mind, "But now for awhile. Give him time, and give yourself time. Kuwabara is resting peacefully."

"Thanks..." Yusuke said softly. He turned and slowly walked out of the house. No one stopped him.

_Would you be happier... why did you do it?_

­­­­­

* * *

****

**Classical: **The day of the funeral


	7. Regret

**Classical Sorrow:** I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho

* * *

****

**"If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly ****want, and all that is left is a compromise." **

**- Robert Fritz**

****

* * *

I thought it would be hard to make this choice. Everyone's so afraid of death. It came easily though, maybe that's what scares me. I've written my note hoping that they'll understand. There was no way out anymore. I couldn't leave them while I was still alive. I wanted peace, I felt so trapped but now I can be free. I'm not afraid of death, not after all that I've been through. My only regret is that I've given up. I've never done that before. I've given up on my life instead of telling anyone. It's my fault really. I'll miss them all. Yusuke and his loyalty, Kurama and his helpfulness, even Hiei and his temper. Botan's cheerfulness, Koenma's cowardice. And my old buddies... to think that their boss would do something like this. I hope that I didn't hurt them too much. I know they didn't mean to hurt me... but I don't think they could have ever stopped. I let it happen, I never stopped them. I hope Shizuru is okay... she's probably upset but she'll be okay, she's strong. Blood slowly flows out of my wrists. My life flowing out of my body. I wonder how blood keeps you alive... maybe I would know if I had paid more attention in school. I guess I'll never know. I'll never know a lot of things. And what about Yukina? This will hurt her a lot... what am I doing? I'm just hurting the ones I care about and they'll blame themselves... but... it's too late now... tears slid down my face. I'm going to die and I can't say goodbye and I'm sorry. I looked down at my wrists. Too late...

"Good-bye..."

* * *

****

**"A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation." **

**- Bertrand Russel**

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* * *

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**Classical Sorrow:** The end.

This story doesn't tell you what really happened to the others. It doesn't have a miraculous ending where Kuwabara comes back to life. There's a simple reason for that. This is how it ends. You don't see what happens in the news to the family who lost their son or daughter. You only hear the pain. That's real life.

The reason why I wrote this story is to show feelings and how people in Kuwabara's situation might feel. People need to learn that even if a person laughs they may not be happy. Remember other peoples feelings, most people won't tell you if your words hurt them. Ask yourself, have you been fair? Have your friends been fair?


End file.
